Monday, August 22, 2011

change your mind...

"I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls."   
~ Ana├»s Nin 

I'm a big fan of change.

If something isn't moving right it my life, a job, a town, a relationship, I make a change...exit quietly stage left and move on to the next role.

A year ago, when my son was 13, he decided to make a change in his life, thereby altering mine, and moved to Seattle to live with his father.

It wasn't entirely unexpected, it was just sooner than I would have chosen. I knew one day my child would grow up, move on and make a life of his own, but I thought I had a few more years before having to deal with it. I wanted more time.

It's been rough. ups and downs. lots of tears. I miss him every day that he's not with me. but I've had to adjust to it.

I made some changes of my own, in order to try to make my life "right" again. I moved (several times, trying to find what felt right to me) and landed, happily, back in Louisville, Kentucky - it's the first place that ever really felt like "home" to me...coming back was like stepping into an old photograph, a happy memory.

So, here I am. Getting my feet back under my weight. Discovering how hollow that empty nest can sometimes feel, and cherishing the moments I get to spend with my son during those not-quite-long-enough visits.

I'm adapting, simply because that is what I do. I'm pliable, but tough. stubborn. strong-willed. determined.

but man! I miss my kid when he's not here. 

Prompt #69: How pliable are you? do you embrace change or resist it? do you adapt easily, or fight tooth and nail when change invites itself in?

2 comments:

Cyndi Mulligan said...

I have never been accused of being pliable. Neither has anyone called me stubborn either. I live in the inky twilight of Between as I seek to find balance in what's reasonable and what my heart is whispering. Having to adapt to two of my three kids moving on with their lives was a daily exercise of willful surrender and acceptance. I woodenly took one step and then another, but Grace is greatest when the need is deepest, and so I survived and own for myself now two altars of sweetest gratitude and love.

Jackie Williams said...

Sometimes it's an "[Exit, persued by a bear]" kind of change. :)