Monday, June 13, 2011

roller coaster, yo-yo, angry vortex...release...

I don't tend to share a lot. my emotions are mine to swaddle and smother and keep locked away.

except when writing poetry (which is probably why I had a huge panic attack when Three Thousand Doors was sent off to the printer last year.)

Oh gawd! I'm going to throw up...
it's like...opening up my journal (if I kept one) for all the world to read...f$@#.....

yep. those are pretty much the thoughts that went racing through my head, one after the other, repeatedly.

panic. vomit. journal. swear.

rinse. repeat.

that said, it's been a rough year. stumbling through changes, jumping off emotional cliffs, building wings while falling, tearing my wings to shreds on twisted branches, tumbling through frantic waves of emotion.

tears. panic. uncertainty. frustration. anger.

it took awhile, but I finally found myself brave enough to admit ( myself at first...and then out loud to a few precious friends) that I was broken, lost, upside down...and I needed to find my own way back. build new platforms. recharge. reconstruct.

it reminds me of a line from an article I read years ago..."I don't care who you are, at some point, life will bring you to your knees." (I wish I could remember who or what the article was about, but it was more than a decade ago)

the thing is, when you're on your knees, you have to take a deep breath, and somehow...find your footing again.

Prompt #59: how do YOU fix broken?


Stephan Cox said...

The important thing is, Karen, you put it out there. That's the only thing that matters in the end. All of the emotions are just side effects.

Gaby said...

I also think what matters is that you're so much stronger for it. Ali said "Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong."

You're.Still.Standing. You're a prize fighter woman. What can't you conquer? Everytime you fall, you've learned the lesson, dusted yourself off and gotten back up. It is a thing of sheer, awesome beauty to bear witness to your grit.

Joanne said...

Karen - you are a very brave and awesome writer. Just go with the flow. Continue to create and we can only hope you have another and another and another book of poetry in you. Throw it out there!!!